The holidays can be a very difficult time for those who are grieving a loss. In my own grief, I have often turned to garden therapy to honour and process my grief. Plants can offer us comfort and help us form new rituals and meaning during this really challenging season of holiday grief.
While the holidays are known for their bright colours, plenty of cheer, and time spent with loved ones, it can be an incredibly difficult time for many.
Grief has a way of manifesting itself during the holiday season. Those who have lost someone dear to them will greatly feel their absence during this time of year.
But it can also be a very peaceful and healing time of year. When you ignore the craziness of the mall parking lots and the aisles of the grocery store, you’ll find there is actually a natural quiet and stillness in the world.
Stepping outside into winter gardens and forests can offer us great comfort during this time of year, helping us to process feelings, ground ourselves, reflect, and take a moment to slow down when the holiday grief comes in waves.
If you’re looking to honour someone that you’ve lost or seeking some solace, the garden can be one of the most steadfast comforts.
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The Varying Forms of Grief
I’ve gone through many different kinds of loss, like the loss of my mother, as well as family changes over the years. I’ve had some very difficult Christmas holidays in the past where I didn’t feel much like celebrating. But when you have a kiddo, you always have to put on a brave face.
Grief can arise from the death of a loved one, the end of a romantic or platonic relationship, or even the loss of a place. It can also apply to the absence of something altogether that never even existed.
For instance, family dynamics can be tricky and become even more difficult over the holidays. If you choose not to go to that family dinner as a form of self-care and protection, you can still feel grief at letting go of traditions or past expectations.
Whatever form of grief you may be experiencing, I’ve always found that gardening can provide us with the emotional space we need.
How Nature Helps Us Process Grief
Nature, plants, and the garden are all powerful tools that help us process grief. Grief is one word we use to describe all kinds of emotions, from heartbreak and sadness to numbness and pain. It can come in waves or sit with us like a stone in our chest.
I’ve always believed that there’s a power to the presence of plants, which can be felt year round. Nature has always been a useful tool in helping to ground yourself, relieve anxiety and stress, and give your mental health a boost.
The holidays are known for being very ritualistic. Many of us have seasonal traditions that set up a level of expectations that we have for the holiday, from cutting down the Christmas tree as a family to eating grandma’s homemade buns every Christmas Eve. When something pauses or puts a stop to these rituals, it can be very difficult.
I know that my kiddo is very attached to rituals and has difficulty when things don’t go according to plan. Most recently, he was expecting to do a candy trade with his buddy at Halloween. So when his buddy went off and did a candy trade with someone else, he lost that ritual.
If the holidays are coming up and you can already sense that things will be different this year, think about how you can reshape these traditions that you may be grieving over. Find the quiet moments and reconnect with nature. Below, I’ll share some of the ways that plants have helped me heal.
Create New Rituals
This year, create new rituals. These don’t have to replace the old ones, and they don’t have to be fancy or even involve other people. I encourage you to use plants when creating your rituals because they can be very dependable. Even if the plant doesn’t make it through the winter, there will always be more you can spend your time with.
For instance, create a healing garden where you can bring your grief and reflect and remember. You can also use it to meditate, like I talk about in this post.
If you don’t have access to your own individual garden, use an indoor plant arrangement. You can also go and walk through a garden centre or an indoor public garden. Try bundling up and head to the forest or woods, or any other outdoor space.
One of my favourite holiday rituals is creating a homemade wreath. I used to do it with the neighbourhood gals, but when I moved, I slowly lost that tradition. I kept up the wreathmaking, even if it wasn’t with the same group of people.
Now, I like to go out and forage for wreath materials. At home, I make a new wreath every year to hang on my front door. This is something I do every year, sometimes with others and sometimes by myself. But it’s always something that I look forward to.
Using Herbs to Soothe Holiday Grief
Many herbs are known for their soothing qualities, which can be beneficial for someone experiencing grief during the holidays. There are many that come to mind for me, but here are a few you can try:
- Roses are meant to mend broken hearts, and adding roses to tea can help those experiencing heartache.
- Lavender is also a favourite in aromatherapy due to its calming nature. It can also aid with stress relief and encourage sleep. Add lavender to things, such as tea, sachets, or scents throughout the house, like a lavender wreath or essential oil diffusing.
- Rosemary is known as the herb for remembrance. It can be dried, burned, or used in teas as a grounding opportunity to help you respect and remember.
- Lemon balm helps to lift spirits. Use the scent to help with emotional balance and give you support.
- Mugwort helps to promote dreams. Use it to connect to your holiday memories.
Green Memorial Activities
A big part of grief is honouring it and using the time for reflection. Memorial activities can help you remember and honour those who are gone rather than skip over the grief.
Many people have planted memorial trees in honour of loved ones. Memorial plantings can also be small garden plantings, dedicated garden beds or spaces, or even as simple as houseplants. This will help create a space that allows you to go and visit with the intention of sitting with your grief in the physical form of a plant.
I’ve also found that journaling can help. You can even write down messages for loved ones on a little piece of paper and add it to the soil by your plant.
I’ve also seen people write messages on little hearts and hang them in trees. Using just paper and twine makes it biodegradable.
Through my own grief, I have found that ritualistic elements have helped me to support myself and slowly heal. Because the garden has always been a place for healing for me, it was natural for me to turn to it during my time of grief. I hope it can do the same for you.
More Ways to Enjoy Peace This Holiday Season
